Didn’t See That Coming

Well the zombie apocalypse has finally happened, it’s time to hope that the Walking Dead episodes I watched have taught me something about how to survive. No one’s really sure about how this outbreak started but I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore as this seems to be something that we are stuck with. Since this apocalypse started it has become more and more difficult to survive, it has become crucial to posses bargaining skills in order to trade for food, thank god I have Ken Lay. I never thought an Enron exec could be so good at manipulating people to give us food, my “daughter” has been “sick” more times than I can count during this apocalypse. I’m really glad we are friends as I didn’t see this apocalypse coming, then again I didn’t see the collapse of Enron either so maybe I’m not the most observant…

We heard something about a cure in Texas this morning over the radio, I guess it’s time to head down south to see if it really exists. The transmission was a bit garbled, it said something about a bell that was blue, I guess we will see what that means when we get down there. On the road down to Texas we managed to stumble upon one of my close friends from Bucknell, Lexi, as she was heading back home to Texas in order to find her family. It’s a great coincidence as she’s funny and witty to have along for the journey and I’m sure she has a few guns stashed at home, I mean she is from Texas after all. She was able to clarify that radio message that we heard, apparently Blue Bell ice cream is supposed to be so delicious that it overwhelms the urge for brains and turns you human again. I guess that’s why Texas seems to be the least affected part of America, must be the combination of guns and Blue Bell ice cream.

Our party has made it down to Texas it looks like the end may finally be in sight. Today we ran into Nicholas Cage on the outskirts of Dallas. At first he seemed a bit dehydrated, he was rambling on about a map on the back of the Declaration of Independence that he needed to steal. After giving him some water we enlisted his help to find a few gallons of Blue Bell ice cream to ensure that we could cure whomever we came across as well as make sure we would never turn. As we finally stumbled upon that supermarket that would become our salvation I realized that I had never been so lucky before with so many chance meetings.


7 thoughts on “Didn’t See That Coming

  1. Thanks for picking me to be a vital part of your team! My Blue Bell expertise is something very rare here in PA since the ice cream is not sold here, but nevertheless, it was a very strategic decision on your part (for the guns as well). I could definitely hang out with Nicholas Cage but he HAS to give up searching for maps. He has great searching skills, and coupled with Ken Lay’s deception, we can survive this apocalypse.


    1. I’m counting on you to keep Ken honest, I’m fine with him swindling others out of supplies as long as it isn’t us. Nicholas Cage may get a bit annoying about his map, but maybe if we draw him one ourselves he will stay on topic and continue to help us.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My biggest worry about Nicholas Cage is that he never did his own stunts during his movies. He may have been able to fake it enough to make the movie audience believe it, but in real life he would be useless. He would probably be a pretty interesting person to speak and converse with but my guess is that he would be the first to die. He has lived in excess for too long to be able to deal with the difficulties of the lifestyle.


  3. Nic Cage, man…. perfect choice. I like how you used a seemingly negative aspect of the exec to work out as a benefit to your group – never would’ve thought of that.


  4. Haha – definitely liked how you used posts from last week (Blue Bell) and incorporated it into your post this week! Stinks that I didn’t think of that, my group might have to find yours to “borrow” a few tubs of Blue Bell to get away from the zombies as well!


  5. Nic Cage is one of my least favorite people; nonetheless, excellent choice for an Apocalypse! If he knows anything is to figure out things when nobody else is able to. I can’t believe he gave up the map for you though. That is not the Nic Cage i know!


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